Female Sexuality Facts

Facts, Theories, And Information on Male Sexuality: Male Sexual Problems

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Sex, the Hub of Marriage


How to Right the Wrongs You Grew Up With Around Sex

First, you must return in your mind to when you were a little girl. What do you remember about the sex instruction that you received? As you recall bits and pieces of it, try to redirect your thinking and your attitudes about these events.

For instance, can you remember when your mother “caught” you playing with yourself in the genital region? This must have happened at least once—it is such a common occurrence. Do you remember how you were feeling before she saw you? Didn’t it feel warm and comfortable? Didn’t you have a lovely sensation while playing with yourself? Try to recapture the actual feeling, try to feel that way now.

Psychologists tell us that it is perfectly normal to feel that way. Further, they tell us that all—and I repeat all—children play with themselves at one time or another. Can you remember back to that moment when your mother caught you?

Did you feel a stunned surprise at her onslaught? Did she scold you? Did she tell you that you were a bad, dirty girl and God would punish you? Did she say or imply that if you persisted in “abusing yourself” you might become insane?

Remember, our mothers were conditioned by their mothers to believe these things, so your mother was not trying to be cruel to you, but was full of genuine concern and fear for you. She believed what she said, and she was trying to protect you for the future. But we now know that way was the wrong way.

How did you act after you had been detected and threatened in this way? As you unwind the film of your memory, perhaps you will discover that you did one of two things. One: You secretly kept right on playing with yourself, because it was so pleasurable that it was stronger than your fears, nevertheless taking great care not to be rediscovered.

But, as a result of the whole occurrence, you carried along with you for the rest of your life the conviction that this was It bad, dirty and wrong thing. Thus, your sense of guilt at haunted you to this very instant and may be one of the main causes for the inhibition of your normal sex instincts.

The second way in which you might have reacted is somewhat different. Instead of secretly persisting in this type of sexual play, you may have erased the whole thing completely from your memory.

 As of today, the whole episode may be so buried that you are one of those women who quite honestly believe that they have never played with their genitals in their lives and have never had any kind of feeling there—much less a pleasurable one.

Now, wind back to the original incident and run through it again. Even if you cannot remember it, try to imagine it because it or something similar may well have happened. Let’s pretend your mother had not been conditioned by her mother to have fear and to feel guilt concerning masturbation.

 Pretend that when she “caught” you, she wisely did nothing, or perhaps took you on her knee and cuddled you, thus providing what you really needed, namely a feeling that she was kind and strong and not angry with you but loved you very much. Can you now re-edit this moment to that memory?

Can you recapture the lovely feeling of warmth and pleasure that you experienced when you were playing with yourself? Then go on from there to feel as if you were being held comfortably in your mother’s arms. This could lead to the feeling that what you were doing was as warm, lovely, comfortable and right as the feeling of her arms about you.

Continue reviewing your film. At each moment when you remember feeling fear and guilt about playing with yourself, try to erase this feeling and to substitute instead that feeling of warmth and comfort, that it is all right, that it is part of life, a good and normal part.

If you can do this, you are on the road to improvement. If you can erase the feeling of guilt and connect the feeling of warmth, comfort and rightness to that special part of your body, you will have taken an important step towards a happier sex life.

The Feeling That Men Are Bad

Remember, if you can, another event that may have taken place in your youth, because it has happened to so many of us, when a little boy was “caught” lifting your skirt and touching you. Was there a terrible outcry? A scene? Was your father called in? The boy’s parents? Were there threats from all sides?

What do you remember most vividly? The fuss and loud, angry voices and strange, disturbed look on the faces of your parents, or the simple, innocent little act that caused it all? And afterward, were you filled with a strong feeling that boys were dirty beasts, dangerous to be with? Did this feeling persist? It does in many young women of a certain generation.

Ask yourself still more questions. If the feeling about the badness of boys persisted in you, did you have to make a very conscious exception with regard to your own father, brother, and, later, with regard to your fiancé?

On your honeymoon, or with your first boyfriend, did these inner feelings and memories rise up and almost choke you so that you felt that this man, your husband, must also be one of those “dirty beasts”? Did your feeling about sex make you believe that here was something dangerous, unpleasant and bad all rolled into one?

Now, go back to the place in your memory where you and the little boy were playing before you were discovered. How did you feel then? Wasn’t it pleasurable? Wasn’t it exciting? Weren’t you somewhat aroused sexually?

If you could erase all the loudness and ugliness of the scene that followed, and call upon your inner resources, common sense, hope and strength, you might realize that the way you felt with the little boy was actually a prelude for the way you as an adult woman should now feel about sex.

Such an experience at the time can fill a child with a sense of curiosity, discovery, excitement and anticipated pleasure, with a curtain of guilt and shame goes down to block it all out.

These same feelings of curiosity and discovery, of excitement and anticipated pleasure should be encouraged to reemerge and to flood you - maybe even make you enjoy female gushing - whenever you have sex. No matter if at first they don’t carry it high each time—just the fact that you may have achieved a

extensive studies of various civilizations in all parts of the world. She has found several where the very normal sex play of little children, as I have discussed it above, is not punished.

Rather the children are so watched over and guided that girls grow up with a genuine feeling that their sex organs are a source of warm, personal comfort and pleasure. When they reach adulthood, these girls are perfectly capable of giving free and normal expression to their love for their husbands.

The Understanding Husband.

Now, what about that very important person—your boyfriend, or husband? You love him, you want to be to him all that he wants you to be, and you are facing a period of sexual relearning and development in which he is obviously the chief figure.

Therefore, so he can play his part, it will be important for you to take your husband into your confidence, to convey to him your feelings—of failure, and frustration, and determination, and hope. It will increase his understanding and ability to help you if you share with him, as they emerge, your remembrances of the experiences that may have contributed to your unresponsiveness.

And it will be absolutely essential to become able to tell him what you are experiencing as you move forward in each next step, because only that way will you become fully orgasmic.

Rediscover Your Body

No matter what the causes of your sexual unresponsiveness, there is one step more for you to take. You must make the bridge between what your conscious mind has forgotten but your body has not. Waiting to be reawakened are the feelings that were so carefully put to sleep by your conditioning and experience so many years ago. Waiting to be accomplished is the normal discovery of your own body that was frustrated too early in your life.

You yourself must reawaken your body, rediscover its sexuality, reeducate it sexually. You and your man must continue the exploration that was interrupted years ago.

Communicate these discoveries to him and be patient with yourself. Take time to arrive at the realization that not a single place on or within your body is dirty to touch, nor can any gentle and loving sexual stimulation ever be “bad” or cause harm. Hold fast to the exquisite instrument of the act of love between your husband and yourself.

It will help greatly if you become aware of your husband’s penis and learn that it, too, is to be loved, not feared nor found distasteful. The small amount of such fluid ejaculated at intercourse, either by a man or a woman, is delightful. And tissues or a clean towel properly placed after intercourse will absorb all secretions and keep you entirely comfortable.

Interruption to Normal Sexual Response

Sometimes a woman has had a normal sexual response until something throws her off. Pregnancy before marriage may do this, as may abortion, sexual assault, being deserted, or a wide range of serious emotional problems, such as deep-seated depression and anxiety.

It may be that when a woman has gone from normal sexual response to little or no response, that she is in need of professional help.

Are There Really Anorgasmic Women?

No. When you have lost your sense of fear and guilt, when your sexuality no longer seems unknown and unclean, when you have to reawaken your inborn capacity to feel sexual, you and your man can begin the long and happy experience of working out a normal sex life together.

It is tragic that small occurrences in our childhood and early formative years can have so devastating an effect on our later lives. But it is heartening to remember that we can really get over these ill effects and become fully capable in the essential relationship of marriage.

Down deep within the overwhelming majority of unresponsive women is a sexual need and capacity for fulfillment that awaits only liberation.

For whatever reason, you are developing the ability to be one of two people linked very closely together, sexually. This has two faces. One you turn towards the world. The other you turn inward towards yourself. The latter face probes deeply into your inner sexual being when you are by yourself.