Although the fear of being discovered performing the sexual act induces complete or partial failure in some cases, it may have the opposite effect in others. There are some women who must feel the danger of surprise if they are to attain an orgasm. There must be an element of daring in intercourse, as though they were defying authority.
This attitude may have originated in early forbidden pleasures of a sexual nature. Often, once the whim has been satisfied and orgasm achieved, the sexual act can be fully enjoyed thereafter in the ordinary way.
Thus one woman who had not previously reached culmination had an intense orgasm when her husband, fully dressed, had intercourse with her in a secluded garden From that day onwards orgasm was attained without difficulty in more usual conditions.
A young man vowed to abstain from sexual relations until he was thirty years old. He kept his vow and then appears to have decided that he would make up for lost time. He thought of love.
But love did not answer his call. His most flattering seductions were wasted. Venus's capricious son continued to turn a deaf ear. Finally, he consulted me.
I gave him treatment which, although lasting a long time, ended in his being cured.
You need to be healthy to enjoy sex. So look for treatments for conditions which are inconvenient - and may make sex difficult or painful - for example, acid reflux and heartburn for which a series of remedies are available here.
We also have a website for men with sexual dysfunction, imaginatively entitled male sexual dysfunction, where you can find plenty of advice on treatment of delayed ejaculation, in particular the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex.
Similar problems can affect women, caused by decreased hormone levels and the menopause. It is an inevitable effect of ageing that we become less sexual but sex after fifty need not be any less satisfying than it is in earlier years.
Mention must be made of vaginismus.
Vaginismus - difficulty in receiving penetration during intercourse. This is part of the price some women have to pay for their husbands' mismanagement of the sex act. With others it arises from psychological factors. It is often associated with the idea of pain rather than pleasure in coitus.
More often than not, however, it is resultant on a deep and unconscious fear of sexual intercourse. The body absolves the mind from recognizing this fact.
The vaginal spasm is an involuntary contraction of the muscles of the vagina. The vaginal inlet becomes supersensitive. Minor injuries - or rather, the memory of them - often cause it. The contractions may occur before penetration is effected. Or they may follow intromission. Women who suffer in this manner can usually be helped by psychological treatment.
What effect has 'change of life' in men and women upon the matters discussed in this chapter? Many men find the urge to copulate growing gradually less insistent after the age of forty or forty-five. Potency diminishes. But desire usually remains, although it is sometimes weaker than it was. Sexual pleasure - even orgasm - is often possible for many years after the capacity to achieve penetration has gone. Sometimes desire becomes more acute.
This circumstance. coupled with the growing difficulty in satisfying the desire, may yield distressing consequences - as in those cases in which elderly men give expression to their desires in abnormal ways.
Many women retain their sexual appeal long after the menopause. Some whose love-lives have been marred by a constant fear of pregnancy really start to enjoy sexual relations when they know that conception cannot occur. Quite elderly couples enjoy intercourse, and there is no reason why they shouldn't.
1. Do Not frighten Your Powers Away, Far too many people of both sexes do. Confidence - belief in one's powers - is as necessary in the realm of love as in any other sphere.
2. Remember, Your Case is Not Exceptional. Whatever your trouble, you are but one of a whole army. There are thousands as badly off as you, and probably thousands worse.
3. Go to a Doctor You Really Trust. The best doctor in the world is useless to you if he lacks your confidence.
4. Wives should Visit the Doctor Alone. Otherwise, the husband will feel that his wife is simply carrying out doctor's instructions. No man likes his wife to base her technique on another man's orders.
Patience is a Sex Virtue - habit is a sin. Do not confuse the two. This book shows you the vital difference between them - ffie difference between expectancy and monotony.
5 Do Not Choose the Second Best. Substitutes are always unsatisfactory. Bring all your new knowledge of love technique to perfect physical union with the one you love.
6 Quality - Not Quantity - Counts for Most in Sexual relations. The supreme test for both men and women is the mutual satisfaction of the partners. 'Sexual athletes' often fail where the weakly endowed succeed. Love-technique can make the difference.
7 Shun Sexual Stimulants. They are mostly worthless 'remedies', marketed in the interest of the get-rich-quick manufacturers. Be guided by your doctor.
8 Scientific Medical Remedies - hormone therapy and the like - have come to the fore in recent years. They have their uses - and their limitations. Again, always be guided by a qualified practitioner. Sexual weakness and failure constitute a perfect gold-mine for quacks.
9 Happiness is the True Test. Bad effects occur when one or other of the parties experiences dissatisfaction. Never mind what books - including this - say you should do. If you are happy, and your partner is, too, leave well enough alone.....
Masturbation is normal. It is necessary to stress this because the false ideas which have been held for centuries cannot be removed by a few lectures, papers in scientific journals, or whole libraries of books.
The evil the old-fashioned moralists did lives after them in many ways, as we have seen. But nowhere has their work left its mark more indelibly than upon the minds of people who, having practiced masturbation, believe that they have committed some kind of sin.
Friction to the genitals may result in a yeast infection - which you can read more about here.
Have a look at this video on yeast infection no more for a start!
The combination of ignorance and prejudice which formed the basis of the old, miscalled 'morality' accounts for a constant procession of men and women into the consulting-rooms of doctors and psychiatrists.
One silly warning by an ignorant nurse in childhood days; one frank talk on this intimate subject by a well-meaning but completely uninformed person; one violent punishment from a parent who, though he masturbated himself, firmly believed he must flog this vice out of his own children — these yield a harvest of ailments, mental, emotional, and physical, which often take months, if not years, to cure. It needs to be stressed again and again that masturbation does not not yield bad results.
On the contrary, the practice is sometimes unavoidable, as we shall see. What we cannot avoid can hardly be labeled a 'sin'. And sometimes it is a necessity.
Experts make no distinction between masturbation which is practiced before, or simultaneously with, puberty, and adult masturbation.
When a married man or woman, notwithstanding opportunities for intercourse, deliberately chooses masturbation or else indulges in mutual masturbation, it suggests a rather healthy expression of sexuality. Often this is the only manner in which a woman can attain orgasm.
Most of the harm associated with the practice in the past has arisen through fears instilled by warnings about likely consequences. Scientific investigation has revealed conclusively that it is these fears, and not the actual masturbation, which have led to serious mental results.
Figures by experts show that the ages at which masturbation is practiced most are twelve, thirteen, and fourteen. As to the frequency to which it is practiced, the figures are remarkable.
Very few cases exist of people who have masturbated once and never repeated the practice. One expert, indeed, tells how throughout many years of experience as a doctor he met only seven men and five women of whom this was true.
Out of five hundred people included in a careful inquiry he conducted, 61 per cent indulged in the practice less than twice a week, and 39 per cent twice or more.
Contrary to a widely prevailing impression, masturbation is never a sexual perversion. Carried to excess it may be harmful, but so, too, may sexual intercourse, coitus, or for that matter eating and drinking. It is a normal sexual practice.
On the other hand, masturbation may be indulged in as a compensatory mechanism for discontent or unhappiness, or it may be symptomatic of problems relating to emotional growth and development.
For example, let us assume that a boy is in poor relationship with his parents, that his father has, he feels, unjustifiably punished him — he may in these circumstances resort to masturbation as a release to his pent-up frustration and aggression.